so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
