Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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