we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
