So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
