If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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