Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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