You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
