I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
