We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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