I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize