The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
