Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
