well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
