I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
