My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
