It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
