We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
