Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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