Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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