i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
