As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
