i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
