I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
