I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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