you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
