I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
