Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
