similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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