I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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