I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
