At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
