I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
