If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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