I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
