i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
