Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
