it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
