My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
