He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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