dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
