it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
