Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
