I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize