she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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