he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
