you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize