Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
