I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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