she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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