i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
