Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
