you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
