Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
