Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
