im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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