Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize