So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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