So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
