i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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