he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize