You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
