I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
