my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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