Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
