exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
