I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
