Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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